Jennifer's Blog

NEW LEAF BLOG: New blog!

Apr 05 2011

My newsletter Turning Over a New Leaf and my blog have moved to a new home:  New Leaf Coach ~ Mindfulness. Peace. Intention. Joy.

If you have been a newsletter subscriber, please go to the blog and click “Follow” to continue to have new posts come directly to your Inbox. 

I’m excited that this new format will allow you to join the conversation by posting your own thoughts, ideas and inspirations.

Thanks for joining me there!

And This Helps Me HOW?

Jan 02 2011

My life changed in an unexpected way around the holidays, and I’ve found my mind going back over the events that transpired like a tongue seeking a tooth that fell out.  As I often do when the going gets rough, I sought out essays and readings to help me learn to deal with the situation.

What I found is that the step we need to take before we can get on with adjusting and healing from a traumatic event is to actually accept what happened.  One of the stages of grief and loss is denial, which is the dark twin of acceptance. 

Imagine that you cut your finger and just ignored it.  Nope, no blood here, nothing wrong!  We don’t usually do that, do we?  We react right away and wash the wound, dry it off, bandage it and safeguard it until it heals.  Somehow, this is much harder to do with our hearts and our invisible wounds than with a bloody finger.

So as I read, I came across a phrase that made me literally laugh out loud:  “And this helps me HOW?”  I realized that I was laughing at myself, at my mind’s insistence on going back to what happened like a moth to a flame.  Whenever I catch myself living in the past now, I grin and say to myself in my best ironic voice, “And this helps me HOW?”

Do you have something you want to stop thinking about?  Are you obsessing over something that is out of your power to change?  Try this phrase, and remember to smile and laugh!

Never Say Never

Aug 13 2010

As adventurous as I like to think I am, there are a couple of things that I thought I would never do.  I thought of myself as a person who, for example, would never play a round of golf and would never attend a Packer Game.  This summer, ironically, I found myself playing a round of golf in order to win a pair of Packer tickets.  “Never say never!” ran through my mind as I drove a golf cart through the Lakewoods Golf Course, debating if I should continue with my 5 iron or switch to a wood at the next tee.

I’m so grateful for this turn of events that got me thinking about how I’ve been limiting myself because I’ve defined myself as a person who would never do “X”.  Where do these self-constricting beliefs come from, and what else am I missing out on in life as a result?  As it happens, I am a pretty decent golfer, and now I have a new way to relate with my boyfriend’s family of golfers and Packer fans.  I would never have discovered this hidden talent of mine if I’d stuck to my, “No way, I don’t golf” mindset. 

I think my negativity about golf and Packers come from prejudices I have about pepole who golf, or people who are Packer fans.  I mean, I’m not about to sit in the stands in 10 degree weather, get really drunk, and paint my face with gold and green.  What do I have in common with those folks?  Yep, that is prejudice talking.  My new reality is that on a (hopefully sunny) fall afternoon, I get to spend the day with my sweetheart enjoying the excitement in the air, some brats in the parking lot, and a beer or two.  I’ll be just another fan, like all the others. 

And I hope to play another round of golf before the snow flies.

Coaching Questions:
What things do you tell yourself you don’t do?  Where do these beliefs come from?  What new reality could you imagine if you let them go?

Creating Peace and Calm (i.e. Do you really need those tchotchkes?)

Jan 17 2010

A friend of mine made a bold declaration that captured my attention and imagination.  She wondered if it would be possible to go an entire year without gaining one new possession.  This would exclude food since that is a consumable that is, ahem, recycled immediately.  But she did include clothing on that list, all in pursuit of the goal of appreciating what she has and finding contentment with what is, not in pursuit of wants or desires.  Quite a radical undertaking!

If you are also intrigued with this notion but aren’t ready to go as far as she is to explore it, I think there are lots of things all of us can do toward contentment with what we have in our lives.  And, we can even create more spaciousness by letting go of things that really aren’t serving or supporting us anymore.  The new year is a great time for this kind of work, espeically for those of us in cold climates since we may spend a bit more time indoors than we do in warmer weather. 

Here are some ideas to get started:

1)  Objects.  Set aside a chunck of time to go through your house, one room at a time.  Regard every item in the room.  Does it bring you pleasure to see or touch?  Does it serve a vital purpose?  Is it something you don’t even “see” anymore because it has just always been there, and you wouldn’t really care if it weren’t there?  Do you get good energy from it, or does it bring back memories of a bad time?  Be willing to radically let go of anything that serves no uplifting or functional purpose.

2)  Paper.  Modern life in the US is full of paper - contracts, bills, copies of copies, articles, magazines, flyers, records, and on and on.  Create a whole lot of space by ridding yourself (by recycling, of course) of excess paper.  There is very little we need to keep, if we’re honest with ourselves.  Go on a paper purge and see how much lighter - and organized - you feel.

3)  Clothing.  If you haven’t worn an item in a year, consider taking it to Goodwill so it can go on serving someone who needs it instead of taking up space in your home.  Did you buy a pair of pants that you thought you liked in the store but actually aren’t very comfortable to wear?  We usually feel at our best in clothing that fits us well and feels flattering (which is a highly personal and subjective sense) to wear.  If you have a hard time getting rid of things, invite a friend to help you with decisions.  I’m always amazed that I take bags to Goodwill and still find things in my closet that can go. This process is like weeding a new garden bed.  I have to weed frequently until the weeds are under control.  You can help yourself by only purchasing clothing that you need, absolutely love, and know will last beyond this season’s fashion trends.

4)  Food.  Could you feed a family of 14 from your pantry for six months?  There is great liberation in having a few staples on hand (spices and seasonings, baking ingredients, condiments, etc) and then shopping like many other people in the world do - go to the store more frequently and buy less.  You can feed yourself or your family with fresher food and open yourself up to more variety this way.  You will also waste less food by not having to toss moldy leftovers or letting things expire or get freezer-burned before you can eat them.

5)  Clutter.  Remember the feeling of deep satisfaction you felt the last time your desk was in order, or you saw the surface of the table in the hall?  One way to have this feeling more frequently, and therefore feel more calm and peace in your home, is to get rid of all the little things that are in the way.  Are you really going to need that one brown button from the flannel shirt you don’t have anymore?  How many rubberbands is it really necessary to have on hand?  Are the chicken salt and pepper shakers that you got as a wedding present from your spouse’s boss just more things that need dusting?  Once you significantly declutter, notice how your home’s external order and calm affect your internal sense of order and calm.

A key to putting these ideas into practice is to take it one chunk at a time.  Start with one table, or one closet, instead of thinking about your entire basement.  In fact, leave the basement for last and start with the room(s) in which you spend the most time.  I overheard someone say, “Your home should rise up to greet you,” when you walk in, not make you groan inwardly or feel irritated.

If you’d like to discuss your results, I invite you to become a Fan of New Leaf Coaching and Consulting on Facebook.  My site has an area for discussion of this or any other blog or coaching topics.

Wishing you peace and order,

Jennifer

Winter Solstice

Dec 06 2009

This time of year, I hear many people (including myself) comment on how tired they are.  I usually jokingly reply, “We’re supposed to be hibernating, not working right now!”  The advent of artificial light was a great boon, and a great disservice to our ability to connect with the natural rhythms of the climates in which we live, particularly for those of us in regions that go from very warm to very cold.

So if you can’t really see yourself writing a note to your boss her know she shouldn’t expect to see you until April because you are hibernating, we can at least look at how to go with the energy of the season part of the way instead of fighting against it all the way.

Here are some suggestions to consider:

Retreat to your “cave” for an evening or two.  What is your idea of coziness?  A couch, a purring cat, and a novel?  A hot bathtub and some great chocolate?  A night of back-to-back movies with a tub of popcorn?  A walk in the moonlight down a country road by yourself?  Take time to unplug from your cell phone, computer, and everyone who needs you to relax the way you like to best.  Note:  As a parent, I understand how this might seem like wishful thinking.  This is where friends, babysitters or grandparents can help support you so don’t be afraid to ask now and then.

Spend time gazing into fire.  Fire is the ultimate protection against the cold and dark.  If you have a firepit or fireplace, use it as often as you can.  If you don’t have these amenities, a tray of candles in a darkened room can work just as well.  Let your mind wander as you gaze at the flickering light.  You might be surprised what your inner voice tells you in the quiet.

Nap away an afternoon or sleep in for a whole morning.  Even if your internal alarm won’t let you sleep past 9 am, stay in bed and see if you can drift off again.  Read, write in your journal, daydream, or meditate, but stay in bed for a few hours.  If sleeping in isn’t an option (as with many parents of young children), then see if you can schedule an afternoon to nap in while the children are enjoying themselves at a friend’s house or for a special afternoon out with your spouse or a favorite relative.

Reflect light from the inside when there is less of it outside.  Getting up in the dark and leaving work in the dark can make us feel a bit gloomy.  Clear an evening for yourself at home or go to a favorite café with a stack of notecards or a pad of paper and write simple letters of gratitude to people in your life.  You’ll get an amazing lift from realizing how many people touch your life in both large ways and the small ways that are easy to overlook in the busy rush of day to day life.  The recipients will get a warm glow hearing your appreciation.

What ideas can you come up with to be in harmony with the “retreat and reflect” energy of the season?

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