Jennifer's Blog

Clean Up as I Go

Aug 11 2009

Have you ever read something that reminded you of a concept you’ve learned before but haven’t thought about in awhile?  That happened to me as I was surfing the web at 4 am, unable to sleep because of a bad cold. 

The article I read was about being assertive and authentic instead of being co-dependent.  Co-dependency is something I’ve spent my adult life unlearning and probably will continue to work on the rest of my life.  What captured my attention was the reminder to simply be honest in the moment and say how I really feel in plain language.  Sounds simple, doesn’t it?  I wonder why it’s hard for me to do sometimes.

When I forget this strategy, I find myself reviewing conversations later on, wondering what a person meant, how I should respond, and generally analyzing it far too much.  I can end up feeling a bit like a victim which then triggers a bunch of thoughts and emotions that are entirely unproductive. 

I consciously committed to putting this strategy into practice right away, and I’ve definitely had opportunities to practice.  What I’m finding is that it truly does simplify my life, and more importantly, makes me a more trustworthy and authentic person.  Being this way has made my personal and professional relationships more effective, and I spend much less time worrying and having imaginary conversations and scenarios running through my mind.  I don’t know about you, but my real, actual conversations almost always go better than how I imagine they will go.

Being this way is the psychological equivalent of putting my clothes away immediately after I change instead of letting them heap up into a pile I have to face at bedtime, or at the end of the week.  Clean as I go…

Coaching Questions:

What strategies do you have for keeping things clean in your mind and relationships as you live?

If you could make one change in your communication that would make all of your relationships instantly better, what would that be?

 

Summer Solstice:  Fire and Dreams

Jun 19 2009

Thirty to fifty people drifting in and out of the house, gathering around a backyard fire, sharing food and laughter, faces lit by fire and candlelight, music wafting on the night air – this is how I used to celebrate the Summer Solstice.  There would be a table where guests could write hopes and dreams on flashpaper and then light them with a magician’s flourish to invoke them.  I would bring out my poi and send blazing orbs of fire spinning around my body.  One year, a woman showed us how to use a homemade cookstove, crafted from a coffee can and fed with kindling.  Marshmallows burning, sparklers shooting lightning in all directions, the red-orange glow of a cigarette in a dark corner – the night was ablaze.

My life is quieter now, filled with sweet afternoons with intimate friends and my family rather than “come one, come all” gatherings, but I still celebrate the Solstice.  June 21 coincides with Father’s Day this year.  My family will gather around the heat of a grill rather than the flames of a bonfire, yet there will still be fire.  I will still invoke dreams and wishes for the next six months, until the Winter Solstice arrives, completing another cycle of light returning to dark returning to light.

I won’t have the razzle-dazzle of flashpaper flying from my hand or the whoosh of fire swirling around my head.  This year, my Solstice fire will be the kind that warms and comforts - the hearth fire of home.  My dreams will be heard in the giggles of our two-year old, all sticky hands and sweet smiles.  I’ll see my dreams deep in the warm peace of my partner’s eyes and hear them in the hum of conversation with his parents.  I’ll find them growing in green blades of grass, hear them whispering on the wind in the trees, and feel them firing up in the blaze of the summer sun, shining longer on this day than any other.

What do you wish and dream for your life?  What will you invoke on June 21, at the height of summer?  What will you celebrate when the Winter Solstice comes around?

Spring Cleaning

May 27 2009

You know that feeling you get when you look at a newly organized garage, a closet cleared of all the old clothes you swear you’d wear but never did, or your holiday decoarations neatly stowed in labeled tubs in the basement? 

I feel like this new website is my coaching practice’s “spring cleaning.”  As I reviewed the content of each page, I had to remove extra stuff, trade older ideas for fresher thoughts, and create more space for a clean, uncluttered look. I hope the site gives you the same feeling of spaciousness and room to poke around and explore without bumping into things, like a house after all the kids’ toys have been put away. 

The process of review became a process of renewal for me.  I feel renewed commitment to my work of standing in partnership with people who are poised to transform their lives in ways both quiet and grand, and to bringing people out into the world to experience fresh air, meandering trails, serene waters and skies of blue, grey, purple or pink, depending on the hour and the day. 

If you would like to create your own sense of refreshing renewal, take a quick look around your home or office right now (literally or mentally).  What small “decluttering” projects can you do that would take ten minutes?  Even these little contributions to clearing away clutter create a sense of calm and order that is mirrored in our minds.  The quote is “Charity begins at home,” and while this is true, I believe it’s also true that clarity begins at home - or the workplace, where many people often spend most of their waking hours.  Sometimes we just let it all go because we think need three whole days to make a dent, but even clearing a little area or just getting through that stack of mail brings a sense of order. 

Whether you tackle the entire basement, just one corner of your living room, or vaccuum behind your refrigerator, I invite you to take 10 minutes each day this week to bring some order and calm into your world.  Who knows?  It might be habit forming.

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